Relationships Shmelationships

Sometimes I strongly feel like I'm meant to be alone for all my life.

Romantically, platonically.

Perhaps it's that I hold such high standards for human relationships that any slight bump disappoints me, and I pull away. Or perhaps I feel those slight bumps because I'm a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). Yeah, it's a proper term.

I find fault so easily in others, and in myself, that I just can't see any possibility of me being with someone for a long period of time. My friends, the strength in friendship fluctuates and changes too often for my liking. But perhaps friendship is different, as priorities don't often lie in that direction. Whereas a romantic relationship, on the other hand, would prove me otherwise?

But what do I know.

The only romantic relationship I've had destroyed me when it ended. Once again showing that I'm not meant to be a part of any partnership. I don't even like working with others, even though I can manage teamwork perfectly well.

So many thoughts on relationships.

So alone.

I Saw You In A Dream

Homes. Rooms. Parents [yours]. You. Getting back together. Hands. Holding hands. Red hair. Fragile smiles. Driving. Looking. Feeling. Happy.

Waking.

Crashing.

Reliving.

Hurting.

At Night, It Swallows

Depression makes you not eat. not clean. not move.

Depression feeds on your energy and soul.

Your hygiene flies out of the window because you don't shower, you don't brush your teeth. You just lie there. And think about the dishes in that sink that have yet to be done.

Thoughts endlessly lingering.

Throat tightening because you're tired of tears and you're forcefully trying not to drop anymore.

You long for some company but only if the company came to you because again, you can't move.

And you feel so, so, so alone.

In the night, the darkness, the quietness and the vastness swallows your sanity, leaving you empty yet heavy.

It's too quiet. It's too still.

Perhaps morning will be better.