How Did It Feel

How did it feel, spending Valentine's Day with me knowing that you were going to break up with me in the near future.

How did it fucking feel.

Here I Go Again

And all of sudden it's 00:58am and I'm crying my eyes out.

My heart is aching and all my brain can think of is our memories.

All I see in my head is Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe.

I haven't cried about you in months. I don't know what's happening.

My eyes are red and swollen and my nose is stuffy and I can't sleep.

I guess antidepressants doesn't stop me from thinking about you.

Thinking about you.

Thinking about you thinking about me.

Do you ever think about me?

Do you ever wonder how I am?

You said you still cared months ago - do you still?

It's toxic, I know, wondering about these questions but oh god I find it insanely difficult to let go and move on.

I was so fucking in love with you Chloe. So fucking in love with you.

Knew

I can't believe it's been a year since we knew each other.

Some times it feels all so foreign - like we never happened at all.

And then other times it aches a little again because it was so real. For me.

I think I want to forget.

Remembering hurts too much.

Those Songs

Eventually, it does get easier. I can now listen to those songs again. They still remind me of you but they don't make me ache anymore. Other than Chasing Cars. That one is still a little sore.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm better. Not completely. But better.

And this gives me hope that one day, I will be fine again.

Traumatised

I am honest to god so. fucking. terrified. of falling in love again.

You have no idea just how terrified I am.

Fucking. terrified.

I am fucking traumatised I swear.