We Don't Talk Anymore

We don't talk anymore like we used to do

We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
We don't talk anymore like we used to do

I just heard you found the one you been looking, you been looking for
I wish I would've known that wasn't me
'Cause even after all this time
I still want you
Why I can't move on
Just the way you did so easily

Don't want to know
What kind of dress you're wearing tonight
If she's holding onto you so tight
The way I did before

I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
It's such a shame

We don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore like we used to do

We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
We don't talk anymore like we used to do

I just hope you're lying next to somebody
Who knows how to love you like me
Must be a good reason that you're gone
Every now and then I think you might want me to come show up at your door
But I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong

Don't want to know
If you're looking into her eyes
If she's holding onto you so tight
The way I did before

I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
It's such a shame

We don't talk anymore



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9XX4a9BCwU

Airports

I think I like airports.

I like the stories they tell, the people they hold, the emotions expressed.

I also like how airports, to me, stills time. I'm not talking about going through customs and security and awaiting for your baggage. More like when you're simply roaming or sitting, waiting. 

Sitting in the middle of the airport, watching people moving about, each having a different reason why they're here, makes me feel calm and at ease.

I feel like I'm temporarily suspended from the humdrum of life, floating peacefully. Does that sound crazy? 

In a way, it's a place of nowhere. I forget about what I need to do, where I need to be, who I need to see when I'm inside one. 

It's a nice place to escape, I think. My worries do not disturb me here.

I like airports.

Christmas Break 15-16

Here's a summary of my rather fulfilling Christmas break, with more photos than words:

AHA (Anyhow Arts)

We went to support 2 of our dearest friends who danced and choreographed pieces for their annual show known as AHA. 

Batch Lunch

Met up with old and dearest friends for lunch. We were supposed to meet at 11:15am but only 2 of us arrived on time while others turned up ranging from 15 minutes to an hour late!!! It's not a surprise though, we're always late. I... have very dependable friends.....................

Christmas Wonderland

Spent half a day at Gardens By The Bay with some of my Baes.

National Museum of Singapore

Visited (^) with one of my favourite people in the whole world and refreshed my memory/ knowledge of Singapore's rich history. I'm genuinely very proud of how far our little country has come.

Dinner @ Jurong

Had a jolly jolly evening with these two laughing at embarrassing moments. Spending time with them always turns into good core workout session.

Mini PHC Reunion

Soon accompanied her mother on a business trip just to visit me. So we met up with Ms Kwee as well which was really nice - even got some life advice from her aha. 

Another friend of ours was also coincidentally transiting in Singapore the next day so we managed to squeeze in a quick meet up with her as well! It was so interesting and hilarious listening to her endless Uni stories. She's also grown so much as a person and I'm really proud of her (:

These are just a few examples of what I've been up to this time back home. I've spent my entire break meeting up with my favourite people and it's been really nice to be able to surround myself with people whom I can trust.

I'll miss being home so much.

Don't Want To Leave

I don't want to return to Uni. I don't fucking want to leave.

Again.

Just thinking about it makes me more than simply anxious.

But then again if I don't return to Uni, what the hell am I going to do at home?

I hate this so much. I hate being stuck, feeling stuck.

I so fucking badly want to fast forward to the phase in my life where everything makes more sense and I'm feeling more at ease and happy.

This journey is torturous. 

Shifts in Relationships

This break, I realised how a connection and understanding between two people can change so much over a short amount of time.

I realised, maybe certain friendships are forged through forced situations and because of that, the friendship can only last a certain amount of time before two friends part their ways.

I realised just how important environment actually is in developing one's personality and mentality. When two people are thrown into a new and unknown surrounding, they find comfort in each other and bond over the unfamiliarity.

Going from spending literally 24/7 with a person for 2 whole years to separating and seeing them only a year later makes a huge difference in the relationship. Suddenly, there's a shift, and when it's done, it's too late and too sad.

Someone whom I used to tell everything to... I am now so afraid of telling them anything. A year in separate environments resulted in two friends no longer standing on the same page. There's nothing I can do now but swallow the disappointment.

Maybe the friendship was never as pure as I thought it was. All of a sudden, I'm confiding in other people whom I used to deem untrustworthy. And I am pleasantly surprised at how understanding and encouraging and supportive they are.

Funny how relationships change over time.

I guess people come, and people go - even if they don't mean to.

I Wish I Didn't

I wish I didn't feel so much. I wish I didn't fall in love with everything, so quickly and deeply. And then getting so attached.

A word, a phrase, a smell, a picture, a song, a place... They hurt me. Because they remind me of so much. Of a person, a memory... Anything and everything.

Sometimes it'll just out of the blue hit me right in the face and my mood drops immediately.

I think I ache too much. All I ever do is ache. If it is scientifically possible, my heart actually hurts and swells in pain and gets heavy and just... Aches.

I wish I didn't feel so much. Sometimes it's so stupid - the things I have feelings for/ about.

I'm so stupid.

2016 Resolution

Stay alive.

Stubborn

I know. I know that the only person who can pull me out of this state is me. I know that I can't depend on someone else to make me happy, to so call "save me". I'm my only saviour. It's my responsibility. Only I have the capabilities.

I know I know I know.

I bloody know.

But yet here I am... Still waiting for my knight in shining armour.

I hate myself.

Pulling Me Under

There's something addictive about feeling sad or being depressed, whichever, whatever. It's like you're standing in quicksand and instead of trying to get out, you close your eyes and embrace the feeling of sinking.

I think that is what makes recovery hardest - the addiction, the pull of the whatever this is. I guess because it's so familiar so it becomes in a way comforting. It's like your bed - why get out when you can keep snuggling under covers?